If you missed the last blog, go ahead an take a look at it before reading this one because this is a continuation of my lament journey. If you are continuing to walk alongside of me in this journey of lament, I must thank you for sticking with it, because I am sure after the last post, I brought a lot of you down…possibly even made you uncomfortable when I spoke with such rawness. If you remember the book I mentioned in the previous post, there were four distinct steps in lament that I am taking my sweet time to walk through in this. The first, was addressing the Father. Now, comes the interesting one…
Complaint.
When I first heard this one, I knew this would be easy. Easy to complain about the hurt. Easy to complain about the anger and frustration. Easy to complain about the heartache. Easy to complain about the sadness. If I could just list it out and be done with, wonderful! I had that misconception of lament, doing the complaining and then you would just feel this peace and all would be well. All the pain would cease, and be replaced with comfort.
That was not the case when I began this journey!
You see, the complaint section actually had a caveat to it. The caveat was that the complaint had to be in godly complaint. Godly complaint “vocalizes circumstances that do not seem to fit with God’s character or his purposes… Lament gives us permission to verbalize the tension” (Vroegop). Godly complaint is taking those emotions from whatever hurdle or hard time and sharing them, virtually unfiltered, but not letting it end there! If you just vent it to God, that is all, then you might actually end up in worse shape than you started, so focused on the negativity and leaving those emotions, yes, they are now out, but still unresolved. Later, the author explains that this complaint is less like venting in frustration, but instead, more like telling the Father about your struggles. It was here where I had to change my attitude and understanding of lament.
If I may continue the story I shared in the “Part 1: Backstory” post, when I was in the “survival mode” I was great at complaining and questioning Father, why do You have me here? Am I not supposed to be here? Why couldn’t You ease me into this newness? I did not understand, and I will frankly admit to moments of bitterness, even doubt in whether I made the right decision. Thankfully, those moments were met with gracious friends in this country that treated me as though I was family. They guided me in the moments where I was lost. They were there to ask how I was when I was desperate for a friend. Though He had provided things, I still enjoyed the complaint!
So, when it came to this month, walking through the long path of godly complaint, I found it challenging. I sat down with targeted moments in my memory that I wanted to lament, because I desired (actually, I still desire…) peace. I wanted the lament to get me to the point that I reached that “forgive and forget state”. I would sit down to process, giving myself permission to lean in towards those unpleasant emotions.
I was expecting a pandora’s box situation. I was met with blank pages and empty lips. I couldn’t even start the complaint. Something I thought would be easy, was not. It took work! The work is still unfinished. As I go through many targets of lament, I do see that bringing things up is actually more like laying them down. I am laying them down for Him to take. For Him to carry the burdens. For Him to replace each complaint with the Truth. He is the One listening to it all and I can’t wait to work through more and more with Him.
Author’s Note
This lament journey is a very personal one that I am not trying to hide from you all, but it is also not always the time or place to disclose everything. This is not the last of these posts you will see, and it will probably continue to have more raw details shared, like Part 1. But know that this is my journey. If you want to begin your own, YAY! I am so excited for you! I am here to help in ways that I can, but know that if this is your season of life, right now…cherish every tear, every worry, and every hard day, because the peace and comfort are within reach! If you have comments or personal stories, feel free to share!
