If you have known me long enough, you know that my writing is often extracted moments of my daily life, and the lessons I have learned along the way. This one is no exception. In case you missed the many journal-like posts that proceeded this one, you will need to know one fact. Five months ago, as of yesterday, I picked up my comfortable life in the United States, packed three very large suitcases, and moved to Southeast Asia.
Now that you are all caught up, here is the lesson that I have been learning through quite a bit of drama, that is my life over on this side of the world. Coming from the United States, you are so used to growing up repeating the pledge of allegiance in school and learning about your freedoms and rights as a citizen in history books. Though, I would have to say that I didn’t quite grasp the importance, or even the meaning of those, until now. I would say it is true: you don’t always “appreciate what you have until it’s gone.”
We don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone. Freedom is like that. It’s like air. When you have it, you don’t notice it.
Boris Yeltsin
Rights and Expectations
When I first arrived here, I had already received plenty of training, read many books, and searched for wisdom from those who had gone before. I knew what to expect. I knew that “foreigner” would be my label and I would not have rights in this country. I would be granted permission to be here for 90 days at a time. I would be given the ability to work under a contract with a school. I also knew I would be able to rent a home and purchase a vehicle. The list pretty much ends there. I was expecting all of those things. I was prepared for that. I even knew that language would be a continuous conflict for many years, leaving me misunderstood by most people.
What I was not prepared for, was forfeiting my rights of being understood by my own kind. [Note: I realize that using that type of word choice sounds more like I am comparing Americans to meat, but if you were in my place, I think you would see that using “my own kind” or “my own people” is just a normal description here. Like I said, my title here is “foreigner”, not my skin color. I am specifically using these terms with the understanding that this is not my passport country–the place that I came from. Due to that official book, as well as the fact that I do not blend in here with my physical attributes, is why I am a “foreigner”.] Now that we have gotten that picture, I didn’t think that I would be explaining myself more to my own kind, “foreigners”, than I am to the locals here. It seems the only common denominator between us, is that we speak English.
Speaking the Same Language does not always mean you are understood
I came in believing that I would be accepted and understood by the few other foreigners here. The ones that share the same native language and passport country. I am sorry to say that I was terribly wrong.
How did I not know this, or expect this to happen?
In the past weeks, I have spent more waking hours (and some non-waking hours) thinking about how to be heard and understood in and among my own kind, than I do focusing on the responsibilities of my job. I will not go into detail, because though I do write raw and real life things, I do want to keep some things private. So I will just say, it is beginning to become an unexpected issue. If I am honest, I don’t have a solution. Instead, I have hurt. I have recognized that this is one of the things I must mourn. I must mourn the loss of the right to be understood. I cannot assume that anymore. Not from locals and not even from foreigners.
Learning to Mourn Rights
I am currently in the process of learning how to appropriately mourn the loss of this assumed liberty or right. So far, I have only come to one solution–prayer for grace and guidance. If I do not mourn this loss of an expectation, how am I to grow? Without mourning and putting to rest that desire and expectation, it will only lead to further misunderstanding, confusion, hardship, and pain. So, one day at a time, I am leaving that expectation behind and keeping my hands open, and will try to keep my mouth closed a little more often.
For those of you that read these posts, tell me your thoughts, bring me your questions, or share your own experiences. I am young and inexperienced, so I am far from the place of sharing those answers. That is why I need you, yes, you. What right or expectation did you have to forfeit or give up? Tell me about it! I would love to hear and learn from you! Be sure to comment below.
