Sometimes we miss out on things in life.
We cannot possibly do everything, go everywhere, and meet or see everyone.
Some of you are probably thinking, duh! If that is you, just remember that I am not writing this blog for you or for the approval of followers and likes. I created this for me. This is my venting space. This is my journal, if you will. So, even though I understand missing out, I even claim to know this will inevitably happen, does not make it an easier reality to come to grips with.
End of the Year
See, yesterday was the last day of school for the city school system I worked for in America, the last three years. The last day before summer vacation is always a fun, but difficult day for teachers that are leaving or moving positions, the packing up of everything before the building getting repainted or cleaned. Yet, it is also a very fun celebration.
I just found out that I missed out. See I had to leave school early to pursue teaching overseas. I missed out on the last 13 weeks of school with my students, but also my teaching family. I know it is a rare find, when you like your co-workers so much that you actually are friends outside of work, but I found that there at Fallon Park Elementary. They had a great celebration on their last day, yesterday. They had a chance to say proper goodbyes to one another. They had a fun ballot to find out superlatives like “the most sarcastic”, “most school spirit”, “best smile”, “most likely to win the voice”, “most likely to be late”, and “most likely to be mistaken for a student”.
I cannot help but envy that they had an opportunity for closure of such an interesting year. I missed it! Not only did I miss out on that celebration, I am sitting on the other side of the world, missing those people.
“…I am sitting on the other side of the world, missing those people.”
Pursuit of One
I have not had a long teaching career, thus far, but I would have to say that it has been impactful. All I know about full-time teaching, was learned within the walls of Fallon Park Elementary. I owe it to you (collectively, those that make up what is “Fallon”), because I would not be the person I am without you. Every person, child and adult, in that building had an impact on me, no matter how small. When I saw the Facebook photos of the graduating fifth grade students and the promotion for kindergarten students, my heart ached, but my face shined. I believe I was too attached to the Fallon family, that I tried to focus on “the dream coming true”-part of things, that I didn’t experience the closure that I longed for, because I knew I was going to miss out on so much. I protected myself from the temporary pain, only to experience it now.
Seasons
Do not misunderstand me and my feelings right now, because I have no doubt, I was supposed to arrive at the exact moment I did, in Thailand. I was supposed to leave that “home” in that school building. God does not make mistakes. For whatever reason, He moved me out of the Fallon family, to the other side of the world, to this place. Do I know why, yet? ABSOLUTELY NOT. However, I cannot help but think I will experience that one day, here, as well. I am not leaving anytime soon, but the reality of being a teacher, is that students and even teachers, are often only in your life for a season, gone the next.
As I write this, I know this too, is a season. A season where I miss people and experiences because I moved on to another season of life. Do I wish I could have been a part of that celebration? Yes. Do I wish I could have teleported back for one day for all the hugs and goodbyes, then come back? Yes. Until that teleportation device actually exists, I have to make sure that I am staying in the present season, ready for what is to come next. If I dwell too much on what I have lost, I will never be able to see what I have gained here.
Thank you for reading this personal journal of mine. This is what my daily pursuit of the One who has it all in His plan, looks like. It is messy at times, mostly always emotional, but it is the journey I am on to make me more like the Creator. If I “miss out” on something, I have to believe it was all a part of His plan.
