Have you really listened to someone introduce themselves before? Of course their name comes shortly after a greeting in whatever language you speak, but what about afterwards? I think it is a little different based on the culture you are in, but also your stage of life. When you are a child, you say your name and if you are an extrovert, you just start talking about whatever you did that day or something that will either make your parents laugh or be embarrassed. When you are in college, everyone follows with their major or what year they are in school. When you get to those adult years, I have seen the trend of what you do, the occupation, come into focus. As if what you do, is who you are.
What You Do and Who You are
I would have to admit that I am guilty of this. Though I am not far in years to really amount to some incredible level of status and success in my career, I have to admit, that my career was how I described myself. I am a teacher. [Yes, for those of you that are the grammar police, I changed tenses for a specific purpose, just go with it.] Like I said, I am a teacher; it is what I do. For a while, I would have to admit, again, it was who I was. Everything I said and did revolved around my students, my work friends, lesson planning, and thinking of new inventions to make one child grasp a certain concept better. That was who I was.
I have A Feeling That “2020” is Going To Be a Monumental Part of History
I know so many people are probably sick of hearing the year “2020”. For many, it may bring some sad memories, heartache, trials, etc. See, for me, before 2020, I had this plan: teaching overseas. It kept being delayed, postponed, pushed back, etc. in 2020. When 2021 came, that same thing happened, but there was still hope. So what did I do? I quit teaching. I quit teaching so I could be a teacher, just on the other side of the world!
I had been praying for years not to grow roots in the States because I was pursuing teaching overseas. Then, the absolute opposite thing happened! I grew really strong roots. I fell in love with about 150 children and co-workers. I built my life around this job and my location. When February 5th came, my last day teaching, it felt like a part of my being had died. The worst part was, I caused it to die. I ended something that I had made my entire life about. If a teacher was my identity–who I was, without it, who was I?
If a teacher was my identity, without it, who was I?
Pursuit of One
Stripped Of My Identity
Let’s just say that since that day, I have felt stripped of my identity, a little lost and confused, but also eager. Eager to find out who I really am. Eager to learn why God created me the way He did. It took about five additional weeks than I had planned to get overseas, most of which I longed to be back in the classroom, or at least feeling productive at moving towards this goal. When I actually got here, I was quarantined in a hotel room for two weeks, with again, that odd state where I had nothing to do. For a person that doesn’t enjoy too much alone time, it was an interesting time of learning and processing. I got to my next destination for an unexpectedly short time of training and preparation, leaving me again, with nowhere to get up and go to each day. I had no job and no real direction. Have you ever felt that way?
A week later, I found myself (finally) where I was supposed to be. The place I had pursued for so long. However, still no job. School was supposed to begin in a few days, but with changing regulations because of the virus, it may be a while. Is it just me, or is there a pattern to this? Well, I have never really been the sit back and wait kind of person, so I have spent the last two weeks figuring out who I really am, without hiding behind the shadow of what I do for a living. Do not worry, I am far from figuring it out, but now I see the fun in learning more of who God made me to be. This came through some pressing and refining moments. You never really know what you are made of until you are pressed and refined a little bit!
You never really know what you are made of until you are pressed and refined a little bit!
Pursuit of One
Learning What I am Made OF
In the last two weeks, I have learned quite a few things about myself. When things are stripped away, I think you really learn about what you are made of. You really notice and value the important things in life. Below is a list of forty things I have learned and observed about myself (likes, dislikes, fears, funny moments, etc.) over the last several days. If you personally knew me before I moved, I would love to hear your thoughts on my list and maybe how I have changed. Make sure you leave a comment below! Enjoy reading the list (note: they are in no particular order and I probably have way more to share than just these).
- I enjoy mornings a lot more than I already do, when there is no set agenda.
- I do not actually need to eat all the time to survive! 🙂
- I can make just about anything with a burner, skillet, and rice cooker.
- I have taken for granted having clean drinking water all my life.
- I don’t really need furniture, when there is a floor and protection from the weather.
- I enjoy getting to know my neighbors.
- I think dogs should be fixed so that there are not hundreds running you down everywhere you turn (though having many cats everywhere is cool to see).
- I have a healthy fear of learning how to ride a motorcyle on the opposite side of the road. However, I don’t let it stop me from trying.
- I find buying groceries is fun when you can’t read a language and have to rely on pictures (so thankful for pictures).
- I will drink iced coffee just to build relationships (I prefer hot coffee).
- I will try anything at least once and am thankful for the experience.
- I am not afraid to use my shoes to whack bugs. I need indoor shoes to protect myself from bugs.
- I feel no remorse when killing bugs.
- I can find little geckos are cute and helpful, just not in the house. My house should be my safe place.
- I am okay living life drenched in sweat.
- I don’t need to wear make-up to feel good or ready for the day.
- Hair dryers are not an essential thing and I don’t need to boost my appearance for approval.
- I am a lot more introverted than I would like to admit.
- I enjoy working hard at doing laundry by hand with a bucket and a garden hose. I do not find it to be a chore.
- I actually have the patience to grow plants and they actually can grow in good weather.
- I enjoy getting my nails done as a way to help my biting my nails problem.
- I am challenged by my new medical condition to cook more things myself.
- I do not have to be early or on time to everything.
- I really can be a night owl when I get to talking to people or watching movies.
- I need a good laugh every day in order to feel like the day is complete.
- I burn out easily when too many people come to me with problems, but I am good at listening and observing.
- I really need to give myself grace.
- I can actually do more good by sitting back and listening.
- I can find a creative way to use what I have to satisfy what I need. I use scotch tape and scissors a lot.
- I find little joys in seeing familiar things in a new place.
- I get excited when I can give someone directions and they get there.
- I find freedom in acting like a little kid sometimes.
- I enjoy building furniture and figuring out how things work or go together.
- I pray more when I have nothing scheduled.
- I really enjoy reading the Old Testament in the Bible because I get lost in the wonder of who God is.
- I don’t need to have music or my phone with me at all times, because God speaks through the silence.
- I can actually take a good picture, without the use of filters or editing, because approval and likes do not matter.
- I can stay connected to good friends from thousands of miles away.
- I do not mind asking for help when I need it.
- I don’t need a job to have a purpose for being here. I can just be me.
I have found that this list is actually a great tool to take the focus off who you think you are, and observe just how detailed and intricate God made you to be. I encourage you to take some time and find out who you are. What are your strengths, your weaknesses, and even your quirks? How does God see you? How does that change your view? What things do you think you need to change?
I know this journey of finding me is far from over. I can’t wait to share the rest with you soon!
